Miracle Salve

I have for sale the finest array of ointments, salves, balsamics, vapors, patches, and other miraculous cures. You for instance. That slouch. I can cure that with a salve I have that came from the mysterious East. Where exactly I can not say or any adventurous young man might travel there, acquire these secrets, and undermine my monopoly of helping others. Then where would I be? I’ll tell you. I’d be out there in the audience, like yourselves, coughing, sneezing, in pain, and slouching. Yes, I can cure that with just one application of this miracle salve. Do you want and assistance with applying that salve? I’d be glad to help at no additional cost. What do you say, hmm?