The lights dimmed in the theater and the screen began to glow. Blaring horns and crashing cymbals fill the air, the familiar introduction to the Space Operetta theme. All eyes, covered with cheap 3D glasses, are riveted on the big screen. A sleek space ship passes over the horizon of an alien world. A cheer erupts from the audience as the retro lettering introduces the iconic title and the room goes dark. Seconds tick by. Someone coughs. People turn to look at each other, smiles or scowls on their faces. Before the crowd can react, the lights come up and a man, tuxedo clad, walks across the stage in front of the blank screen.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “But as the director of this film, I can honestly say, you’d do better to go outside for the next three hours and sit under the trees, listen to the birds, and watch a sunset instead of this.”
Buttered popcorn, fountain drinks, and Good N’ Plentys rain down as he calmly walks off the stage.