The Pitch Session

“So I’m working on this story, about an older guy, mid 50s, balding, health issues, wakes up one morning and realizes that his entire life has been a lie, that he hates his job, hates his wife, hates his parents, his kids, himself, basically, except for this one thing he fixates on, this one woman, she’s about 30, and he realizes that he’s in love with her, which surprises him, so that’s like the inciting event, not because there’s anything wrong with her, she’s a Mary Poppins practically perfect in every way, but the closer he looks, the pieces don’t seem to add up, her feet are big, she has a temper, and an obsession with all things Disney, moves like a ballet dance but is awkward on a dance floor, a mole on her neck, reckless taste in clothes, and all of these little things end up making her more endearing to him than he could have thought possible, so anyway, he develops this online identity, which fits with the middle point of the book, he’s desperate, remember that, and he tailors it to appeal to her, and he introduces himself, through this online identity, and at first she responds, but he ends up rushing things, which brings up the climax where she uncovers the truth about him, which turns out she isn’t actually interested in who he really is, and he ends up having to confront himself and the mess he’s made of his life, all very contemporary and stream of consciousness, which I forgot to say is something else about her that he like, that she’s a writer who writes in this stream of consciousness style, very attractive to him, which leaves the reader wondering if this story isn’t something she actually wrote, so there’s a literary side to it too. So I guess that’s it, really. What do you think?”

She fidgets a bit, taps her pencil on the blank piece of note paper, absent-mindedly rubs the mole on the side of her neck. After pursing her lips and glancing around the room to see if everyone is staring at her or not, the literary agent says, “You’ve got to stop finding excuses to see me. This is all too much. You’re making me very uncomfortable. You’ve got to move on with your life and forget about me. It isn’t healthy for either one of us. Can’t you see that?”